Behind the Business: Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones – But Words Might Actually Kill Me

Navigating Growth and Grace as a Public Brand

This is probably one of my most vulnerable blog posts ever.

Today, I’m sharing an honest glimpse into a week that has tested every fiber of my being as a business owner. 

The challenges that scarred my soul this week, not helped by half of the planets being in retrograde and that ‘manic’ energy that always seems to descend on planet Earth at this time of year – cracked me open to a point at which that I knew it was best to step away from the keyboard to avoid a lawsuit…. (more on that herein)…

As one of my companies, Tekmatix continues to grow at a rate and scale that now surpasses me personally; I find myself grappling with the stomach-churning highs and lows of becoming an increasingly public brand in the business world.

Building a business that grows far beyond yourself is an exhilarating experience.  

It’s something you aspire to create, but then when it does actually happen, you find yourself hurtling through space at the speed of light, with millions of complete strangers now in charge of the steering wheel.

Despite having had a public brand for many years that has attracted over 280,000 students, the education and coaching side of my business has always been very easy to control.  

But a fully public-facing SaaS company???  

Well that my friends, is a WHOLE other beast, and behind the business this week, I have been very much navigating the incredible, but terrifying reality that I’ve now built a business that is bigger than I’ll ever be, and now more in the hands of the public than it is with me. 

There is a feeling of great pride, accomplishment and euphoric triumph bubbling away inside of me at what I’ve managed to build in such a short space of time – but simultaneously, as the altitude increases, so does the pressure – and the height of the potential fall.  

This week was a vivid reminder that growth comes with challenges, especially when your business becomes a public conversation far beyond your personal control.

The Double-Edged Sword of Visibility 

In business, visibility is power, but it also exposes you to scrutiny – and the clinically insane. 

We’ve all heard of ‘customer experience’, but with that, also comes the ‘business experience’.  And the customer is most certainly NOT always right. 

In fact, the customer is sometimes a complete and utter maniac.

As a chronic people-pleaser, I’ve found it deeply challenging to reconcile my need to serve with the impossibility of pleasing everyone. 

And after 20 years in business, I have learned that no matter what we do and how hard we work to serve our customers, there is a basic ratio of the kinds of customers a business will experience.

As taken from one of my blog posts ‘What To Do If People Hate You’, I expand on this (and I had to go back and re-read my own work on this week):…

So here’s the fact: 

To do ANYTHING of value, interesting, or worth talking about – you have to get comfortable to BE talked about.

You must train yourself to be able to manage criticism and hate in exactly the same way you learn to expect and handle sore muscles after a workout.

It’s part of the growth that comes with expanding into more of the population.

Most of us (me included) can take it very personally when we get hated on by a stranger.

The pain of unfair, unjust, inaccurate and defamatory words, loaded with spikes and venom, can be absolutely crushing, rage-inducing and even cause inclinations to fall, self-harm and end it all… I know, I’ve been there.

But I have determined that the human population is divided up into 4 very simple categories….

I’m no population scientist, but from my experience, I’d break down the ratio of your ‘business experience of customers’ as follows:

Nice people that agree with you – 35%

Nice people that have a different viewpoint to you – 55%

Nasty people – 9%

Absolutely batsh*t mental people – 1%

So start seeing your public audience, your customer population – and what to expect back from people, as a simple math equation…

If you get 100 customers, you’re going to have around 90 that will love you, like you or at the very least be polite and professional in the dance of doing business;

9 of them might be a bit challenging, and 1 of them is going to be off-the-scale unhinged.

It’s just the way people-math works.

We CANNOT stop people being who and what they are; so when it comes to us putting ourselves out there, instead of worrying about what the tiny 10% of nasty people might say about us – instead think about how much the 90% might be glad we did.

And then this number just gets bigger, as you get bigger….. And so too does the pain that the 1% can cause….

Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones – But Words Might Actually Kill Me

For every 1,000 amazing customers who validate your work, you can bet your bottom dollar that you WILL, guaranteed, get ONE who simply leaves a trail of destruction wherever they go.

This week, I faced such a person — an individual who has been falsely parading as a ‘lawyer’ (proven untrue by the Australian Law Society who are now investigating this person), and who has been the most difficult and painfully exhausting customer I have EVER had in 20 years of business and over 280,000 people that I have worked with. 

I’ve had to compile a report of hundreds of pages, which even with the black-and-white evidence in front of me, makes it almost impossible to believe is all real.

Obviously, I cannot go into details publicly, but just to give you some highlight snippets – we are talking about a person who started a public hate campaign because her mass mail went out 1 MINUTE later than she scheduled it for (which by the way, is how mass mailing works… they drip out and never send all at the very same second..); 

who has, as part of her smear campaign been trolling Facebook groups and DM’ing people that my company QUOTE: “NEVER replied to ANY emails whatsoever and took WEEKS to reply to ANY emails” (which as you can see, is already contradictory, because how can you not reply to anything, but then state that you did get a reply?)….. 

…And all we have to do to show that this is untrue and complete and utter BS, is press the ‘share’ button on all of our email communications with her that literally proves that she is spreading malicious lies – and we have no IDEA why.

SIGH. 

So with all of the evidence we have to shut her down in seconds, why has this week been so painful?

Because you can’t share private information when you are the business being smeared – unless you want that lawsuit that I mentioned at the beginning.

The customer can go out and defame, attack, smear, lie and make up ANYTHING they want about a business… 

…..but a PROFESSIONAL business that abides by the Privacy Act and wants to maintain its GDPR Certification, CANNOT respond by sharing the facts and receipts that could put the liar in social justice jail instantaneously – and even this FAKE Lawyer knows this – which is why she’s chosen this form of attack.  

She KNOWS that we cannot publicly respond and share all of the evidence that shows that everything she is saying in her hate campagin is as false as it is unjustified. 

So this week has KILLED me having to sit there and watch somebody attempt to burn my years and years worth of agonising hard work and crystal-clean reputation down to the ground in the eyes of my customers and prospects – for no reason whatsoever other than her own sadistic joy and fun –  and literally not be able to do a thing about it, even though I’m holding all of the proof in my hand that everything being said in this deplorable, psychopathic and ugly tirade is completely and utterly fabricated.

I felt like I was being strangled underwater, arms tied behind my back and being forced to watch my house get burned down with my family inside. Nobody could hear me screaming, and I couldn’t do a thing to make it stop.

Some of you know the story about a stalker I once had, who terrorised me for 8 years before the police finally put a stop to it… well, his attack on me started with an online smear campaign many years ago, so this incident triggered some pretty savage PTSD too…

I am telling you now, this week took me to the edge of a very very dark cliff, and I could not have got through it without my friends, coaches and my husband’s love, guidance and support.

Interestingly, I saw a video by one of my own business coaches, Dale Beaumont, talk about the severity of damage and despair that goes on behind the scenes for many business owners facing the daily pressures to build a brand, make enough to survive and also get through the awful things that other humans can subject them too – citing the devastating death of our friend Kerwin Rae in October as an example of how we never know what is going on for people, no matter how ‘successful’ and ‘together’ it all may look from the outside. 

And how when people see somebody they ‘perceive’ to be successful, they feel entitled to take them down, and slice a piece of them off either for their own gain, or to remove them from their line of competition.  

I don’t believe the person I encountered this week was acting from any place of jealousy though.  

Looking through her social media profiles – and receiving numerous phone calls and messages from her previous clients and staff – all showed me that this person has a very very long history of being like this to EVERYONE who is unfortunate enough to come across her. 

And although that saddens me, it certainly helped make the attack no longer feel personal.  

I am SO grateful to all of the people who reached out to me to share their horrific experiences with this person too.  

When you get to the point that you feel like you are going completely insane, these moments of connection with others who share the same stories, bring perspective and relief back like nothing else can.

A problem shared is a problem halved – when you are going through any kind of struggle, reach out to trusted friends, coaches or loved ones.

In the end, despite my frustration and temptation to share that Holy freaking ‘Report of Truth’, I determined to remain in the position of a professional CEO in handling this matter.  

Professional and experienced business owners do not start online hate campaigns against other people – and anyone who does do this to other human beings is neither an experienced business owner, nor a nice person. 

I had to sit and ask myself this:

“if anyone did actually go and scroll through her profile that is full of post-after-post of angry, ranting, aggressive, intimidatory, griping, problem-centred, self-aggrandising, complaining and negative-energied content, would they see the truth without me having to say anything at all?”

And the answer is yes, the truth does speak for itself.

HOW people behave IS who they are.

They are always showing us. It is right there to be seen.  

Google their name. Read their content back a while.

You’ll see EVERYTHING you need to know.

HOW we behave, HOW we make people feel, the ENERGY that is delivered with our messages, no matter how cleverly some try to dress it up – IS our brand and IS the experience we will have with that person.

Think about that when it comes to your brand too.

Furthermore – if you see somebody getting attacked online, instead of blindly believing what you read, first check out the person who’s saying it, and then reach out to the person who’s getting slammed to ask if they are ok.  You might just save a life. 

Tips From This Week:

1. Grace, Humility, and Calm Professionalism Matter: It’s tempting to respond defensively or try to inject truth into the narrative when under attack. But true leadership shines in the moments when you stay grounded, focused, and professional. Immature and inexperienced business owners may feel the need to shout, fight, or seek attention, but experienced leaders know that long-term behaviour speaks volumes. If you want to know who someone really is, watch how they act over time.

2. Acceptance is Peace: The moment we stop trying to control what’s outside our influence, we free up energy for what truly matters — serving the right people, leading with integrity, and focusing on our vision.  Sever and block all negativity as quickly as possible and let people show the world who they are, whilst you contribute positivity and goodness into the world. You cannot light up lives around you when you are stuck in the darkness with demons.  Leave them be down there, and carry on shining up in the land of love and peace. 

3. The Value of Boundaries: Removing social media apps from my phone has been a small but profound act of self-care. You can’t grow if you’re bogged in the trenches, engaged in battle or scrapping about with little people. I’m not sure if I’ll permanently keep social media apps off of my phone yet, but I am already seeing that leaving every single Facebook group I’m in (which is where most drama and nastiness happens between strangers), will probably be my next move. 

4. A Resilient Narrative Matters: Defamation, hurtful words and untruths sting, but none of it doesn’t defines us. This incident reminded me that the most graceful and professional course of action in these instances is not to fight fire with fire but to seek the lessons within them, to find ways to improve, to prove the detractors wrong through unwavering continuation on my own path, and to share what I learn with others in the hope that my experiences may help somebody else who is going through something similar.

5. Friendship, Kinship, Love and Spirituality Matters Most

If you are going through something tough, or are just feeling tough feelings – please make sure you tell somebody. 

It can be easy to feel so overcome with shame, embarrassment, anger and hurt, that we want to bury it and hope it goes away. 

But all that will do is make it fester in the darkness (like the potatoes do when you leave them in a damp, dark cupboard and turns your pantry into a scene out of ‘Stranger Things’ when you open it a week later).  Don’t let things fester in the dark and suffer alone.  

Similarly, I know that when there is something ‘big’ happening in our lives – such as a scandal or a hate attack from somebody – we feel like the WHOLE world is watching and that everything you have ever worked for will surely come crashing down around you, leaving an unrecoverable mess that you’ll never rebuild from.  

But this is never actually the case. 

Our mind can convince us that things are worse than they really are; and it can also divert our attention away from what is both more important and the antidote – LOVE. 

Don’t allow the detractor to steal your joy, to walk you into the devils’ lair to suck on bones and scurvy. Take your power back by focussing on love and gratitude  – the people you love, the things you admire, the things you are grateful for, your God, your spirituality, the sun, the fresh air, the hug of somebody who cares.  When all is dark BECOME the light and the darkness can no longer touch you.

Moving Forward with Harmony 

Inspired by Ben Franklin’s words, “Either write things worth reading or do things worth writing,” I’ve made a conscious shift. 

My energy will go into creating even more value-rich content — blogging, vlogging, and contributing to the body of knowledge in my field, but more from my own domain. 

These platforms offer space for connection and education without the toxicity that can come from endless, unproductive debates inside social media groups and from where I can control who brings their energy along to my platform. 

This week’s major takeaway? 

When life feels overwhelming, it’s a sign to realign and ask yourself:

• “What REALLY matters right now?”
• “Will this matter in 20 years time?”
• “What gift is this this situation bringing to me?”
• “How can I make my life even better because of this?”

Growth doesn’t have to come at the cost of harmony. 

By removing ourselves from spaces that drain our energy and focusing on what truly matters, we can continue building businesses and legacies that reflect our highest values – AND do so with joy and love. 

Final Thoughts:

• To Grow: Stop trying to control the uncontrollable. Focus on your expertise, your systems, and the people you’re here to serve.
• To Teach: Share what you are learning through your challenges. You never know who may be experiencing similar things and how much your contribution could mean. 
• To Lead: Lead with grace, humility, and calm professionalism. Long-term behaviour reveals true character, and legacy is built by those who remain steadfast in their principles, without a wake of destruction and devastation left behind them. 
• To Learn: Sometimes, the hardest lessons come from the hardest experiences. The path forward lies in what we choose to learn from it, and how gratefully we accept the gifts that the challenge served us so that we can be more, do more and serve more from our experiences. 

If you are suffering from any challenges raised in this post, please do seek help – and feel free to also reach out to me on sarah@sarahcordiner.com .  I am no counsellor or therapist, but I do know how it feels to be human. 

I love you all very much.  Be kind out there.

Sarah xxx

Disclaimer:
This blog post is a personal account of my experiences and reflections as a business owner. It is intended to share general insights and lessons learned, and does not reference any individual or entity by name. Any similarities to specific individuals are purely coincidental, and no harm, defamation, or malice is intended. The contents of this post represent my personal opinions and are not meant to be construed as factual statements about any particular person or business. If you have any concerns, please contact me directly on scordiner@maintraining.com.au